Før den første Golfkrigen kjøpte jeg et bransjeblad i våpenindustrien som het «Weapons Today». Lederartikkelen, under tittelen «Takk gud for Saddam», forklarte hvordan industrien sto stille etter perestrojka og kommunismens fall.

Videre skrev de at nå, takket være Saddam, nok en gang ville få fylt ordreblokka, og at de i framtida kunne se fram til at islam ville erstatte kommunismen [som en fiende]. Dette var i 1990.


Ukomisk og alvorlig tankevekker fra
Terry Jones - Monthy Phyton

Gate Parlamentarisk Kokebok

Olav Thon Salat:

1 stk Olav Thon

1\2 Agurk

2 Tomater

1 teskje kapers

1\2 stk friske eller frosne aspargesbønner

1 ts salt

1 salathode

En desj blodblå kongedressing

Slik gjør du:

1. Kok aspargesbønnene et par minutter i lettsaltet fosskokende vann til de så vidt er møre. Avkjøl raskt i kaldt vann og la de renne godt av.

2. Stek Olav Thon i 7 dager på høy varme

3. Anrett salaten på et fat og fordel aspargesbønnene over. Legg på tomat, agurk og Olav Thon på toppen

4. Lag dressing etter anvisning.

Kveldens sitat: Spis de rike!

Blodblå Kongedressing:

5 Valnøtter

4 dl Naturell yoghurt eller rømme

50 g Avkapp av kongelige legemer

Salt

Pepper

1 cl Sitronsaft

2 dl oliven

4 sp sukker

2 dråper eddik

Slik gjør du:
Ta litt vann i en skål, ha i litt salt og pepper. Ha i 4 sp sukker, rør ut sukker og salt. Ha i sitronsaft etter smak. Kvern til slutt konelig avkapp og bland ut.

Kveldens tips: Husk neste bok i serien, Raptekster og Røverhistorier

Julefylt Victor Norman:

1\2 Victor Norman

Fylling:
1 Kasse epler

10 Brød, oppsmuldret

1 Kasse svisker

Laurbærblad

1 stk Simonsen-buljongterning

Krydder:
Alehende
Salt
Pepper

Kveldens sitat: Eat the rich, or die trying!

Rimi-Hagen Panini:

1 Godt brød

1 stk Rimi-Hagen - eller lignende

Sjampinjong

1 fedd hvitløk

1 strøk margarin

1\2 Tomat

Evt. litt revet ost

Litt fersk basilikum

Slik gjør du:

1. Bland hvitløk og smør

2. Smør på hvitløksmør og varm brød på ca 50 grader i 4 minutter

3. Stek sjampinjong i smør. Evt. med bitelitt sukker. Ta brød ut av ovn og legg på

4. Hakk tomaten i fine biter. Legg på med Røkke, og strø evt ost på til slutt

5. Ha på et lett dryss salt og pepper + basilikum, helst fersk

Kveldens tips: Bruk lue, men hold hue kaldt. (Så du ikke får snue, i hue, eller overalt)

Høyere stand-lasagne:

100 g Petter Stordalen

100 g Trygve Hegnar

100 g Arne Wilhelmsen

9 stk spinatlasagneplater

2 dl revet hvitost

4 ss olje

1 stk hakket løk

2 båt finhakket hvitløk

1 boks hakkede hermetiske tomater

2 ss tomatpurre

1\2 ts pepper

1 ts salt

1 ss frisk basilikum

ca 1 dl vann

Slik gjør du:

1. Lag blodkjøttsaus

2. Legg lagvis lasagneplater og kjøttsaus. Dryss over revet ost.

3. Stekes på 255. C i ca 30-40 minutter

4. La lasagnen hvile i ca 10 minutter. Serveres med baguette og salat.

Kveldens sitat: Everybody loves Hypno-toad!

Spis De Rike

In Ingrish, prease!

Meditate.
Live purely. Be quiet.
Do your work with mastery.
Like the moon, come out
from behind the clouds!
Shine

Siddhartha Gautama, was this dude born into a rich family, with a father allways making sure he had tits and wine nearby, and every single negatively related object\person\incident far far away. He was a king of some kind, and a wiseass wiseman told the king "This child will either be a hard handed king, or the founder of an entire religion" to wich the king responded "Like father, like son, bitch. King it is!".

He lived like this, only with nudeness!

Siddhartha quickly said "fuck that" to his father, the big ass castle, and suprisingly also the tits and wine, laying out on trips to see the "real" world. The father though, acting all like cinderella's steph-mother or some shit, sendt out servants to "clear out" nasty ass old people and alikes, making "real life" about as real as the orgasms your girlfriend fakes.

Luckily for buddist, and people who think the son of GOD has kind of an unfair advantage in being the only religious idol around, Siddhartha continued these trips to far away, later ending up getting called Buddha by a whole buch of people, like me, right now, because i'm insanely lazy and Siddhartha takes forever to write.

Anyways, the timespan between where we're at in this story and the qlimax of wich this guy becomes something to make a religion of was used to do a lot of suffering. In different forms.

Starting of with leaving the castle of "all included" and the wife he had that i forgot to mention (Oh, and also a son) he continues by begging for money in the streets, and starving for six years. Like, in a whole YEAR, times SIX!

(GOD DAIM)

To believe the oraly told "facts" that the only thing he ate these years was a grain of seeds og rice is not recomended, as people will call it "food digested and analy outputted by the male version of a cow" or, as it is also known expressed: BULLSHIT!

That's not bullshit, THIS is bullshit! (seriously..)

Anyways (again), at the same time, buddha learned the joys of meditation by two monks and their high states of mind, where you don't really give a shit. Assuming they did'nt have any weed at the time, this was considered "the shit" to be doing. Buddha accieved these states easily, beeing the most badass meditator in, like, ever. The sad part was that allthough the meditation-high got Siddhartha feeling happy, or at least not feeling jack shit, the back-low got him kinda depressed, as he had been since back in the days at the castle. You may be wondering why the hell he wouldn't rather be misserable while getting laid at home then being misserable and starving, and like, totaly torturing himself!

You may notice how i do not suply an answer to your wonderings, but the ending of last sentence seems like an exaggeration, and i realy need to explain myself here.

Siddhartha (or "Sid" like his friends said for short, not finding it hillariuos since this is two and a half millenia before "ice-age" came out) found the joyfull community of Asceticism, a belief that says human pain is only gained because of this stupid body we drag around. And also some of our mental pshycological problems. Or something like that.

Sid Gautama, also known as lord of the flames, or Buddha

The point is that Sid and these four followers he found where doing the very best of fucking up their own body. It got as bad as Sid fainting and almost drowning in i river, only found quickly cause of the "danger" lights in Sid's brain - hunger departement - was visible for miles.

He responded by saying "give me some food goddammit" and got a bowl of rice. This insane amount of food gave him strenght to ignore the four friends of his calling Bullshit on the whole thing, and leaving him.

Ain't this the same damned bullshit?

Alone, but filled with energy, he got enlightened. Or he became Buddha, as this realy just means "The Enlightened One" or "The Awakened One". He came up whit four noble thruts, called The Four Noble Thruths for some reason. I won't specify these noble thruths, but the main line is: "There is a whole lot of pain and shit, but fuckit"

And, come to think about it, that realy makes a whole lot of sense!

If a friend hits you in the face, just accept the fact that this m*therf*er is not your friend no damn more, instead of going apeshit and making one punch into a big fight.

Understand that "if you do this, then this happens", and alikes. Consequences, people.

And don't like, care to much of physical needs, urges, or desires.

Basicly, "chill dude".

Yeah, snorting this "meditation" makes you think like that.

This lady is doing the alternative to meditation, not recommended.

So, to sum it all up:

- Born 565 years before the beloved Jesus Christ, he logged on to the internett, posting "FIRST!" in every comment collumns found.

- Vandered aimlessly, almost died, and then stumbeled upon enlightenment almost by accident.

- Thereby funder of the most awesome and relaxing religion. Also the only one with no one forcing you to join, or forbid you other things that is awesome. All benefits, baby!

- Belives things just is. "The issue is not what it is, it just fucking is", said Buddha.

- He had a son? So, the beggars in dear capitall tigersvillage may be Gautama's?

- Never realy died, but lives in a cave, with Elvis, 2Pac, and Bin Laden!

- Yeah, and he also never walked on water or flew or invented tv or anything supernatural. He just starved six years, and there it was, this enlightenment.

Neat Quotes:

- Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.

- Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.

- Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

- It is better to travel well than to arrive.

- Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

- You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Copyright to me, if anyone should seem to care =|

Perfect sky is torn into a storm
Unpredictable and cold
In this sky you're nowhere to be fund

Here i'm standing all alone

Perfect Sky - Espen Gulbrandsen vs. DJ Julian Vincent feat. Maria Nayler

Men neida, så. Religion liksom. Jaja..

Ey, husker du barndommen, sånn ca 11-årsalderen, da alle vennene dine begynte å gifte seg og få barn og sånt? Ikke det nei? Da var det vel bare denne dama her da...